Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
