i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
