I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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