If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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