Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
