I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Two words: blizzard sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
