4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
