can we get nightvision for the apartment?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize