I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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