Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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