I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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