Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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