I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
