i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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