I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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