I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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