Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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