Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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