yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
