Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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