once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
