The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's the barista slut.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
