you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
