so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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