we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
