if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
