angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
