Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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