Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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