Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize