yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
