its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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