Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.