i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.