I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.