the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
