i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.