Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear