Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sarcasm needs its own font
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.