He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.