I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
