I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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