when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
