At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry about my life...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
