Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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