pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How external is "for external use only"?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
