I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
