I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
