last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
only you would photoshop your dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
