his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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