sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
