Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
