remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
