If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
