If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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