i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
