pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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