I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
