You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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