my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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