My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
as a side note pls kill me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
