remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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