Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
