My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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