'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
